Okay, I’ll admit it. I, Jessica Fuks, have recently fallen into a bit of misfortune on the guy front. It’s true, but it’s okay though… I keep reading all these things about embracing the pitfalls, and celebrating the challenges, because it is only then when you realize that you are going through a period of growth, and with that brings new and better beginnings. Ahhh growth, what a beautiful word. And I do truly believe this, and stay positive for the most part. With that said, this is what’s been going on…
Three times in a row now… THREE! I’ve hooked up with a guy… and then never heard from him again.
Keep in mind that all three of these guys are not just guys I met out one night, and this happened… Whoa No! These are ALL guys that I have known, and liked, for quite some time. Backstory time:
Guy #1 – This guy is my best guy friend’s other best friend. I’ve liked him since the day I met him. He’s super cute, but he was always off and on with his girlfriend, although this time when they broke up it really seemed like it was the end. He’s pretty weird and quirky… and artsy, which I like. But his weird and quirky attributes can also be a bit much. There’s something everyone who reads this blog should know about me… I can be pretty awkward sometimes. I like to think it’s an endearing quality. This guy can be real awkward too… can two awkward people work? I suppose that I should research this more at another time and place. So anyways, I really tried to be understanding to his unique ways, which included being a really horrible communicator.
Guy #2 – This guy is also a really good friend of one of my other guy friends. My guy friend had always wanted to set me up with him, and when his girlfriend recently cheated on him, it seemed like the perfect time. We liked each other right away, and it was all very natural. He was beyond sweet and complimentary towards me when we hung out, and I really thought it was on. I mean at least a few dates, come on!! Okay, so he also may have mentioned the fact that he was moving back to Boston soon, but hey, he made it seem as if it would be at least another 4 to 6 months.
Guy #3 – This is a local Venice friend that I have known for about 4 years and liked for oh, at least a year or more. He always seemed to have a girlfriend as well, but there was still the most intense chemistry and spark you could imagine every time we would see each other. All of you out there in cyber land know exactly what I’m talking about. Just the most intense feelings “down there” whenever you see them, and a shared connection. Isn’t that just the best? Also though, his best friend did used to have a big crush on me, but that seemed to completely disappear as an issue when he recently tried to hook up with my roommate. In front of me! Right?! And then this guy became single again, and we saw each other… and that was pretty much it. And talk about complimentary! He complimented me even more than the last guy!
I have to say, after writing these descriptions, I’m beginning to open my eyes to the very distinct ways in which each one of these guys are unavailable. Suck it up to a case of bad timing? Or is it me? I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Also, a fun little anecdote for Guy #1 and Guy #2: Guy #1 looks a lot like Charlie, Marnie’s boyfriend, from the show “Girls”, and Guy #2 looks a lot like Adam, Hannah’s boyfriend, from the show, so I’ve nicknamed them Charlie and Adam. That’s for all of you “Girls” fans out there, and if you don’t know, you better ask somebody! Both pretty scrumptious! It’s a little scary how much I love that show.
So, ALL of these guys that I have liked for awhile, suddenly come out of the woodworks. You think it would be like a dream come true, and it kind of was. One after the other going through break-ups and suddenly becoming available to hook up with. And they are readily available (you think, “well yeah, they’re dudes so…”, but I can be shy, so it was actually crazy how easily it happened with all of them). And then, one after the other, in three consecutive weekends, I hook up with each of them. Mind you I only actually had sex with one of them, and I wouldn’t even consider it sex with how long it lasted! Zing! Feels good just to drill that hole deeply in.
But the last laugh is on me. As soon as it happens, it’s over, and each time, they don’t call. I don’t hear from a single one! Can you believe it?? These are guys that I KNEW… really knew, and actually liked. I really thought that for once in my life I, Jessica, was going to have to make up MY mind about which one I wanted to choose… which one I wanted to be with. I literally can’t believe it! I’m schvitzing over here!
But that’s what happened, that’s the story. So now, I’m contemplating how to proceed, or if I should proceed at all. A part of me realizes that I truly don’t care sooo much for any one of these guys, although I truly believed that I did at one time. And I am curious, and why the hell not throw caution to the wind… it’s not like I would have heard from them anyways! And why not have a little fun, like these guys so easily did… okay, I had fun too. 😉 But, empowerment is key, and I’d like to feel a little empowered after what I’ve been through.
So here’s my idea, an experiment… Send all three of the guys the same text message at the same time and just see, for shits and gigs, what their responses will be. A preface to Guy #1… I’m almost 100% certain that he is back with his ex-girlfriend already, shoulda seen that one coming! My best friend calls the relationship completely dysfunctional, but who am I to judge really.
*Disclaimer: I wrote the next few paragraphs in real time, as I was actually about to send the text. I wanted my feelings of the extreme anxiety I was feeling to really shine through. Also, recording all of this as I was actually doing it helped to calm my nerves. The responses section, and afterthoughts, were all written some time after the experiment.
So here’s the text that I thought of to send: “Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass.” Good? I thought it was simple, straight to the point, and clearly states how I feel about each one of them.
Alright, here goes nothing eeekkk, I’m gonna text them all… and damn them all to hell!!! Wow, that was me getting dramatic. Actually, I really have no hard feelings whatsoever… and I fully accept the fact that this may backfire.
Okay, I did it, and needless to say I feel pretty angsty… kind of like a child that does something bad, but that they so wanted to do, and is now just waiting for their punishment.
Guy #3 responds first, here’s how the conversation went: Me – Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass. #3 – I’m sorry that you feel that way. I felt uncomfortable about the situation. I hope you can respect that. Me – Well, I would have respected that if you had told me you felt that way… I thought I deserved more than that. I guess you didn’t consider my feelings. #3 – I thought we were on the same page. I apologize for not making myself more clear. I have no bad feelings towards you at all. It’s the situation. Me – Why would you have bad feelings towards me, I was nothing but nice and supportive. Oh well, guess it’s done. Oh, and I felt bad so I texted (his bff that liked me) and he said it wasn’t weird at all. #3 – I said I don’t have bad feelings (idiot!). It’s not (the bff), it’s me feeling uncomfortable about you and me around (the bff).
I chose to stop responding after that. The conversation wasn’t going anywhere, I felt like we were going in circles!
So far, the first response made me feel bad, and like my feelings were not considered. I’m glad that I got to get out what I wanted to say. People think that there are things you shouldn’t say these days. No one believes in communication anymore it seems, especially with guys. But I stand true to my beliefs that communication is key, if nothing else but to make yourself feel better. Why should we be afraid to say what we want to? The right guy will WANT to communicate and have things be out in the open… so why not get some practice in the meantime. 🙂
He was the one that I thought would respond first, and I actually wondered if the other two would respond at all. But the next response cam just an hour later from Guy #2 “Adam”.
Guy #2 “Adam” gave me one word: Me – Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass. Adam – Fair.
I actually laughed… it was pretty funny and true. I went through many options of things to say back to that, like “haha” or “I would laugh but I just can’t find it in me”… something along those lines. Finally I decided just to leave it be, and not respond anything back to that. I will admit, sometimes that is definitely the best option. Knowing when to stop. That could actually be a very useful lesson to many girls I think, including myself. I’m reading a lot about intuition right now, and following your gut… texting can give you good and simple practice for listening to what your intuition is telling you.
The final response, which I was surprised to receive at all, came later that night. I can only imagine how long he focused on what his response would be, and boy was it calculated. It reminded me what I really like about him actually, and even though it was harsh, I didn’t take it to heart. Besides, I kind of loved my response back to him. Any chance I get to be somewhat philosophical makes me a happy girl.
Guy #1 “Charlie”: Me – Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass. Charlie – Thanks. Beware you’re standing on a two way street before you get angry things you want aren’t coming your direction. I might be going through my own shit… (I’ll bet he thought that was just brilliant, and he wasn’t far off). Me – I’m not angry, I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling, whether or not things were coming my direction, I was commenting on the way the situation was handled. And maybe you have your own way of dealing with things, but I’m also a good friend to talk to about going through shit… (now that was brilliant).
He didn’t respond back.
So that was it, that was my experiment… pretty interesting stuff! I haven’t seen or heard from any of them since, which is totally fine as I was over it all pretty quickly (I am getting real good in my late twenties). It will definitely be interesting when I do see one of them again!! And I’ll make sure to take note of it 😉 Do I regret doing it at all? Not in the slightest! It was a fun experiment, and although no one professed their undying love for me, I learned many lessons and got a lot out of it. It was also interesting to see each of their responses and their distinct personality traits come out.
There are two great lessons I’ve learned from this experience. The first is that I’m obviously choosing the wrong guys. These are guys that are unavailable, have issues, and are not ready for a commitment. One thing all of these guys had in common was that they had just gotten out of relationships; that’s almost crazy on my part! Okay, so riddle me this, how do I choose the RIGHT guys? Obviously rule #1 should be to never choose a guy that just got out of a relationship. But what else… how do we find that ever elusive Mr. Right? I find that there are many girls these days that believe that Mr. Right is just a myth, but I’d really like to think that they’re out there. And they are. Now, where and when to find them? If I knew the answer to that question then I’d be a billionaire, twice over. Maybe the answer is as simple as this: Love yourself, and when it’s right, the guy will find you. I am in love with that thought.
The next best lesson I learned from this experience is that if you want to say something to someone then just go ahead and say it!! If you’re questioning whether or not to say it in the first place then you most likely have nothing to lose. People are so careful these days. With all of the endless communication outlets out there, we are actually communicating less than ever before! And this really poses a problem. When I sent that text to the guys it made me feel good; for putting myself out there and getting out what I wanted to say. Sometimes even if it doesn’t change anything with the person, it still changes something for you, and once again, is good practice for the real thing. I only wish that guys would be more open, and communicate with me more, but maybe putting it out there into the Universe is a good start.
Oh, and I love experiments!!! Experiments are great! What a way to shake things up in life. I highly recommend it!! 🙂