A Post-Blog Guy Venting Session

It’s really crazy how a guy can make you feel so bad about yourself. I hate admitting the truth in that statement, but no matter how awesome, inside and out, I think I am, if a guy, especially one I really like, blows me off, all of that awesomeness can be swiftly broken down.

I’ve been really happy lately… truly happy. However, this past week I’ve been feeling really down on myself. This is because last Friday I had a very special date with a guy that I reallyyy liked. I think it would be better to start from the beginning…

Let’s call this guy AJ. AJ is a guy that I had met awhile back through a mutual friend. The first time AJ and I met we had this instant insane chemistry and attraction to one another. The only problem was that he had a girlfriend. Both of us were respectable and kept a fairly safe distance, although it was difficult to not be just a little touch-feely when we were around each other. Then he broke up with his girlfriend. Then we serendipitously ran into each other while he was standing on the wrong street corner to meet his friend. And then he called me (yes called, not texted) and asked me out on a date in the cutest way possible.

Sure, the date probably could have gone a bit better. I had just gotten off work for the week and was tired, I was bloated from Aunt Flo, I was pretty nervous (so was he), and I ended up getting too drunk. But even with allll that, the date was still better than most. Okay it was amazing. We had fun, we couldn’t physically control ourselves around each other, it was all very cute. The next day he texted me with a funny little message.

I think we all know where this is going… although I didn’t at the time. There was nothing. All week, nothing. I texted him a funny pic towards the end of the week and all I got back was very short, nothing answers. Nothing. There it is, the writing on the wall, the thing I, once again, did not expect to happen. And why would I, I’m off in fairy la la land, where sometimes things are too good to be false.

So it happened. But this isn’t about the guy, he is young and just broke up with a longtime girlfriend… and yes he should be out and having fun right now. No, this is about the fact that it killed my confidence for exactly one week, and how shitty that really is. It’s kinda sad when a great night turns into a blah week, but it happens. It may sound stupid… but if you’ve ever been there you know that feeling. And I think most of us have.

Hey, maybe it’s just the endorphins running on such a high that makes your normal levels feel like mass depression for a week after… like returning home from a really great trip.

This post certainly isn’t a how-to. I really just wrote it to vent. Honestly I wouldn’t know the first thing about turning that feeling off, besides to say to just not care. And at times you don’t care, it goes back and forth. But unfortunately, and fortunately, I’m one of those romantics who sometimes feels things too deeply. Now that I’m pretty much over it though, I really just think whatever, I’m fucking awesome and I know it.

The only advice I will give is to just try to remember that most of the time it really isn’t you. They just broke up with a girlfriend, or act like they’re two years old or whatever it is… Feel what you’re gonna feel, for a week. And then realize the real reason why this guy is unavailable, which probably has nothing to do with you, and then remember how fucking incredible you are. Because you are.

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“Acting Demure” or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I’ve always wanted to reference Dr. Strangelove in one of my titles, and now that I have, I can move on with my life…

I would like to now tell you that my brain is a jumbled mess right now. I keep hearing all of these different tips about dating and how women should act when trying to attract the opposite sex… are things really so cut and dry? Like, just follow these simple little rules and you will meet the man of your dreams? I know that men are very simple creatures (sorry guys, although most will probably look at that as a compliment), so maybe there is something to these rules. But I for one, am much more complex, and I think I am far too complex of a person for these rules. According to one of these books that means that I am undateable and will never find a suitable mate. Well, I already knew that I was undateable, but I guess I was just kind of hoping that I could find someone as weird as me, so that we could be weirdos together and have this awesomely goofy life… I think something like that wouldn’t come from a book anyways.

But, why the hell not humor ourselves by discussing some of these rules that I have been hearing, because although I may not be able to follow most of them, apparently if you do you can get like any guy you want… pretty awesome!

I recently came across a very interesting and hysterical dating blog about a woman who found this book from 1995 called, “The Rules”(http://ifollowedtherules.wordpress.com/category/rule-1/). This book has mapped out the very strict and specific guidelines that you MUST adhere to if you want to “catch the guy”. Now, first of all, let’s not jump to conclusions on me being THAT undateable… trust me, I get guys, plenty of them. In fact, I mostly think that me being far too picky is what keeps me single for the most part. Well, that and being super shy. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that I’m the least shy, and most social, person they know. But there’s just something that changes me into this shy, and dare I say frightened, little bunny when put around desirable males. That shell needs to be popped right open! However, when I do find a guy that I am comfortable with, then it’s typically a good sign. Okay, breaking off of that tangent, apparently being shy is not such a bad thing. Oh wait, did I say shy? No no, I meant to say “demure”. Oh yeah, demure… that basically sounds like being shy, but it’s like the fancy version of being shy… I’m not too fancy. To get specific with these first set of rules, here they are exactly:

In order to get a guy, you must be “A Creature Unlike Any Other”… okay, I think I can fuck with that… way to be demure right there…

I MUST:

1. Be demure

2. Pretend I’m a Movie Star

3. Build Myself Up with Slogans like, “I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.”

4. Be mysterious

Now, I may be shy at times, but I am just none of these things!! My friend had a good point with this stuff when I told her about it. She said, “So, you act like these things to get the guy and then you go out with him and show him your true self, and then he’s like who is this loud and crazy person?!” That does seem to pose some problems? I was going to try an experiment trying to put these rules to use, but then I realized that I’m not sure if I CAN even act like this haha. I strongly encourage any of you to try these things out though, and best of luck to you! I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, experiments are the BEST!!

I was next given advice by one of my friends who was told this by another friend of hers. Her friend had told her that when she is in any location where she is trying to attract a guy, she mentally and physically “leads” with her womb. I assume this means to kind of envision yourself doing this, like sourcing your energy towards that lower nether region. Supposedly this energy is all the rage with the guys. She was on a date with this really hot guy and things were going well, but he wasn’t making any moves. Then she remembered, oh yeah, that thing about leading with your womb. And she said that as soon as she did it, suddenly he was all like, “I don’t know why, but I want to kiss you so bad right now!” Obviously she was like Yeah! I think this one is easy enough for even ME to try out!! It’s kinda funny, but hey, I am all about energy sourcing.

This last one is for both guys and girls, and taken from a phenomenally awesome independent film made in 2000 titled, “The Tao of Steve”. “The Tao of Steve” is a list of exercises that is an infallible and surefire way to get a guy/girl to like you. This movie was originally introduced to me by my best guy friend, who to say used to be a player, would be putting it mildly. He is now settled down with a very lovely and intelligent girlfriend, so kudos to him. But when he introduced me to this film, I was mesmerized… this even seemed like something I could maybe do, because it leads from intellect… and I think I have some of that, woohoo!! (Disclaimer: emphasis on the SOME there). So here is the way to play the game, and keep in mind, this is a step by step process, so you do one after the other:

1.  The first thing you do after targeting your potential soulmate, is to be absolutely and completely desireless towards them. Act like you have zero urge to be with them physically.So #1: Be desireless.

2. Show excellence in their presence. This happens after you’ve shown them that you are desireless towards them. And it can be anything from showing your skills at pool, to revealing your philosophical side, to showcasing your panache for cooking, or even how well you play with puppies and kittens. See I like this one, because it actually helps to have a personality (I have this new theory about how a lot of guys like girls with no personality or sense of humor… but more on that later).

3. Retreat. So, just when they think they’re getting to know this amazingly talented person that has zero desire towards them, you disappear all of a sudden, make haste, don’t call or write. You retreat damn’t! So that when you finally do pop back up, they certainly don’t want to lose this amazingly talented person again, and hold on for dear life.

And that’s it… that’s all the advice I have to give. I love the Tao of Steve one, but there’s one problem in that for me, and that’s number 1… I have way too much desire damn it!! I can’t be desireless, I wouldn’t even know how to begin to not have desire!!! But I want it to work, and if, and that is one big IF, I can actually find some dudes to put these awesome tips to use… you know I’m gonna! Starting with the “leading with your womb” one, cause we all know it’s the easiest. 😉

So, I currently have zero guys in my life, which equals zero attachments. I’m free as a bird, and I have to say it feels pretty good (aside from when I get that certain urge “down there”, I’m talking about being horny!)… but I’d rather be alone than with someone that doesn’t appreciate me for the little weirdo that I am. And you never know when that can change in a heartbeat… or more like a flutter of heartbeats. And when I do find him, I’m gonna date him so hard. 🙂

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Update on the “Date Guy” aka WHY CAN’T GUYS TALK?!

Just  to recap a bit: In my last post (well second to last entitled Experiment #2) I talked about a guy I went on a really nice date with. I really liked him, and thought that he really liked me. He texted me the day after the date, and then after that, nada. I texted him twice thereafter, and he responded but was short. He said he got “busy with work”, and oh yeah, is now leaving TOMORROW for Chicago for two months. After tomorrow I will finally be able to let the whole thing totally go… aaahhhhhh freedom…

So in my last post I said that I was going to call him on Thursday if he hadn’t called me, because I’m at the point in my life right now where basically I don’t give a shit! I am ALL about communication, or at least trying to communicate! Sheesh, it now seems that trying to communicate with a guy is like trying to play darts with spaghetti… it’s hard. And so that was proved once again, when I tried calling him. I couldn’t wait until Thursday as I started freaking out, wondering if he had possibly found and read my blog, and if THAT was why he lost interest! So I called him on Tuesday, and this is what happened:

I called him. He didn’t pick up, and I didn’t leave a message. Soon after, I get a text from him saying, “Hey! What’s going on” So I text him back, “Just wanted to say hey before you left, but I guess sometimes I’d actually rather talk then text, crazy concept huh?” So he texts me back, “Ahaah I think we talked about this. Yeah I get it. I just got home from work so I’m a lil beat. How you doing” And that was it… was I about to respond to that?! No, I was not. I mean, you can’t actually talk on the phone??… sometimes guys will do whatever they can, anything and everything to avoid communication, and just putting things out there. I understand that it takes ACTUAL BALLS to BE A MAN and talk to a girl, and answer her questions on what went wrong. But he’s probably thinking, “I don’t owe her anything” and he’s right, he doesn’t… but that means that he’s also kind of a coward.

There were definitely some red flags anyways with this one. On our date, he asked me if I hooked up with this guy, and I didn’t so I said no. Okay, that was a fluke and I let it slide. THEN he asks me if I hooked up with this other guy, WHO DOES THAT ON A FIRST DATE?! Okay, so I did hook up with this second guy, I’m 29 years-young, I’m not a virgin for christs sake!!! So I told him the truth. That made things awkward for a bit and it was his fault for asking.

So, through all of this, I learned a valuable lesson that we should all remember. When you are first getting to know someone, if you do one thing that irks them the wrong way, they will most likely be over it. It might just be ruined. That may sound a bit harsh, but think about it: If you’re hanging with someone, it’s new and you’re just getting to know them and then they do something that’s weird to you or that you don’t like, you might just be over it also. I wish I could have found out what that thing was with him, whether it might have been something I texted him, my blog, the fact that I did hook up with that guy, who knows! But at least now I know that when I’m just getting to know a guy I should probably be on my best behavior! By this I mean to be cautious about the things that you say, and to not reveal too much (especially NEVER tell them that you have a dating blog!) 😉 My number one belief is still to ALWAYS be yourself… but now I’m adding, and on your best behavior, to that!! 😉

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Experiment #2 – EPIC FAIL… but it’s not my fault.

As I sit here on a Saturday morning, fairly early as I did not go out last night, I am thinking that it’s been awhile. It’s been awhile that I posted, been awhile since I hooked up with a guy, been awhile since I dated someone! I had a really nice date last week actually… I mean this was a real date at a nice restaurant! How often does that happen any more? And I have to say I really kind of like this one. We have a lot in common, and he’s a writer, and a nice Jewish boy… we even knew each other when we were in elementary school, so bizarre! But alas, he’s gotten “busy at work” and oh yeah, is leaving next week to Chicago for two months. Oh brother, can’t a girl catch a break? He hasn’t even really been texting me any more, although when I first met him he pretty much seemed like he was in love. Story of my life.

Also, I was in Vancouver this past week with my family (my beautiful, brilliant cousin got married), and on this trip I became very observant of relationships. Let’s put it this way, I was basically the only single person there. Yeah, I was “that person”. This cute 22 year-old was trying to talk to me at the wedding, but I wasn’t into it. Holy crap, me, Jessica Fuks, doesn’t go for the cute 22 year-old?? Wow, maybe I am growing up and maturing. No, that’s not it… I was just so infatuated with the guy I went on a date with (and hoping he would text me, which he never did) that I just could not be bothered. Yeah, that’s it.

So anyways, I was observing relationships. My own parents divorced when I was 9 years-old, but two of my Aunt’s have been happily married for practically forever. And pretty much all of their children are in beautiful, committed relationships with loving partners. Another one of my cousin’s is getting married next year and they are seriously the perfect couple. So I was thinking, I am blood related to my Aunts, aren’t I? And they are the women of the family, as am I. So why can’t I use them as my example, and take after them? They will be the one’s I look to, to see how a wonderful relationship works and use as my road map in love and life. I also have some friends whose parents I’ve grown close with that share incredible, lasting relationships. These couples are my greatest inspiration and I am so grateful to have each of them in my life. With so many people coming from broken homes these days, including myself, we must look to whomever we can for inspiration. If it is their truth, then it too can be ours as well.

Okay, so enough of this ultra, super duper cheesiness. It’s Saturday morning and I must focus on the now, and by that I mean tonight. Tonight I will go out, and hit the town with my girls. And of course, there will be an experiment. My goal is to give my newly printed cards out to three guys. I will give an update tomorrow to say how things went. But that is my goal, and I’m stickin to it! Until then, hittin the beach!

Update: This experiment was an EPIC FAIL! I didn’t even go to the beach on Saturday… it was really overcast. I mean my life, it’s overcast. Both my friend and I had forgotten that this weekend was all about a music festival taking place in downtown L.A. The bars were barren, I mean void of any sort of attractive human males. There was literally not one single guy I would have wanted to give my card to. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I tricked myself into believing that to let myself off the hook. Maybe. But I really did try searching.

With the epic fail of Saturday night lingering, I thought I could make up for it by doing the experiment the next evening at a BBQ I went to with some friends. There were some cute musician guys there, but yeah, I’m pretty much a failure. And then I got a text from a guy that used to be purely a booty call for me, wanting to go to the movies. So I went. I didn’t even give him a card!! And then we didn’t even hook up, which I figured was the point of us hanging out? It’s cool though, I think he just wanted to break the ice since it’s been awhile. I had a really nice weekend, especially Sunday, but I must beg to ask the question… Where is my mind right now?!

It is now Monday, and I read an article this morning about spending the next 30 days surrendering to love. I think it was just what I needed. Just allowing whatever comes to you in, and jump right into it. Surrender yourself to the Universe, and to love, and give up the control of your life to an energy that will guide you perfectly. I strongly believe in this, and starting on this day, and for the next 30 days, I am surrendering myself to whatever comes along. Here is the link in case you’d like to try the thirty day challenge yourself: http://thedailylove.com/one-of-the-greatest-spiritual-tools-i-know-of/

Further Update: The weekend has come and gone, and the guy I went on a date with a week and a half ago, still hasn’t called or texted (mind you he did text me the day after the date, so I thought it went well. And then nothing). I seriously don’t get it, and am truly wondering what went wrong in his mind. If only for my own piece of mind, I will attempt to unmask his own truths behind his actions. I am going to wait until Thursday (as he’s leaving for Chicago the day after), and if he still hasn’t called then I am going to call him, and try to get it out of him. So, stay tuned eeekkkk! 🙂 

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Boys That are My Friend

This post is for my dearly beloved guy friends. I have many, and you know who you are. I hate it when people say that guys and girls cannot “just be friends”. People that say this hold fear in their hearts of letting people in I think… sure, guys think about sex, oh, once every fifteen seconds (and I’m sure many girls, including myself, are not too far behind that), but so what? So what if they even happen to imagine the girl that is a friend in one of those sexual scenarios… that’s bound to come up, but the point is, that they can keep it in their pants.

Besides a few very close girl friends, I happen to think that my guy friends are the best, and closest to me. Many of them have become almost like brothers to me. I also think that I have a lot of masculine qualities, which can be attributed to having an older brother myself. I love UFC fighting, horror films, playing pool, drinking beer and whiskey, and I hate drama. I love the easiness of having guys as friends. You can talk shit to each other without getting sensitive, not see each other for awhile and pick up right where you left off, and they make you feel good. I have a lot of girl friends that share these same qualities too. 🙂 And I don’t think I’m unique… I think a lot of girls feel the same way I do. I basically just love my guy friends to death!

Okay, so here’s the other side to this… the side where I will partially give in to those disbelievers… the people who like to throw everyone into a generalized category. Yes, I strongly believe that guys and girls can just be friends, and I have proved this many times. HOWEVER, I also believe that the best relationships are bred from two people who make their true beginnings as friends. Sometimes I imagine, sifting through my guy friends, who might be a good potential as a loving partner. There are so many that I love, and sometimes I think, can I reallllyyyy love this person?

I have already stated many times before that I am giving myself away to the highest bidder, the one that loves the shit out of me like no one has before. The one that sees me as the most beautiful person in the world, and accepts all of the good, along with the bad. Would I like this to be one of my guy friends? Maybe! There is one very close guy friend that I have that I already consider my potential soulmate (more on this later). He tells many people when we are around each other as a group, that I am his favorite person in the whole world. He knows deep down how I feel about him, but he can’t seem to allow himself to feel those much deeper feelings. So, maybe he’s not the one… maybe another of my guy friends is the right one… or not! :p Like I said, it’ll be the one who can’t, nor does he want to, hold it in… and professes his undying love on bended knee. Wow, too much to ask for? Hmmm, I think not!

And until that day, I have my guy friends to support me, get crazy with me, indulge my inner “guy”, and NOT feel the need to hook up with. If all of my friendships with guys turned into relationships then I would have A LOT of relationships, so please everyone, throw your misjudgments away about this outdated rule, and believe, that yes, many people are evolved enough to have platonic friendships these days. Welcome to the future! And a special shout out goes out to all you beautiful, awesome guy friends out there, and you know who you are… you rule dudes.

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