A Post-Blog Guy Venting Session

It’s really crazy how a guy can make you feel so bad about yourself. I hate admitting the truth in that statement, but no matter how awesome, inside and out, I think I am, if a guy, especially one I really like, blows me off, all of that awesomeness can be swiftly broken down.

I’ve been really happy lately… truly happy. However, this past week I’ve been feeling really down on myself. This is because last Friday I had a very special date with a guy that I reallyyy liked. I think it would be better to start from the beginning…

Let’s call this guy AJ. AJ is a guy that I had met awhile back through a mutual friend. The first time AJ and I met we had this instant insane chemistry and attraction to one another. The only problem was that he had a girlfriend. Both of us were respectable and kept a fairly safe distance, although it was difficult to not be just a little touch-feely when we were around each other. Then he broke up with his girlfriend. Then we serendipitously ran into each other while he was standing on the wrong street corner to meet his friend. And then he called me (yes called, not texted) and asked me out on a date in the cutest way possible.

Sure, the date probably could have gone a bit better. I had just gotten off work for the week and was tired, I was bloated from Aunt Flo, I was pretty nervous (so was he), and I ended up getting too drunk. But even with allll that, the date was still better than most. Okay it was amazing. We had fun, we couldn’t physically control ourselves around each other, it was all very cute. The next day he texted me with a funny little message.

I think we all know where this is going… although I didn’t at the time. There was nothing. All week, nothing. I texted him a funny pic towards the end of the week and all I got back was very short, nothing answers. Nothing. There it is, the writing on the wall, the thing I, once again, did not expect to happen. And why would I, I’m off in fairy la la land, where sometimes things are too good to be false.

So it happened. But this isn’t about the guy, he is young and just broke up with a longtime girlfriend… and yes he should be out and having fun right now. No, this is about the fact that it killed my confidence for exactly one week, and how shitty that really is. It’s kinda sad when a great night turns into a blah week, but it happens. It may sound stupid… but if you’ve ever been there you know that feeling. And I think most of us have.

Hey, maybe it’s just the endorphins running on such a high that makes your normal levels feel like mass depression for a week after… like returning home from a really great trip.

This post certainly isn’t a how-to. I really just wrote it to vent. Honestly I wouldn’t know the first thing about turning that feeling off, besides to say to just not care. And at times you don’t care, it goes back and forth. But unfortunately, and fortunately, I’m one of those romantics who sometimes feels things too deeply. Now that I’m pretty much over it though, I really just think whatever, I’m fucking awesome and I know it.

The only advice I will give is to just try to remember that most of the time it really isn’t you. They just broke up with a girlfriend, or act like they’re two years old or whatever it is… Feel what you’re gonna feel, for a week. And then realize the real reason why this guy is unavailable, which probably has nothing to do with you, and then remember how fucking incredible you are. Because you are.

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Texters: The different kinds and the meanings behind them.

Ahhhh texting, one of life’s greatest pitfalls. Take texting away forever and I could care less… seriously, I hate texting. I am a writer, and a girl. This means that my texts range from anywhere between two sentences to two pages. Writing a four word text is what happens in hell… no wait, that’s receiving a four word text, which is constant. And that’s just dealing with choice of words, timing is a whole other story. I would like to mention that just now, as I type this, I just received a kind of cute text from a guy… I honestly have no idea what to say back. Damn my overactive brain!!! Oh, and I’m a cheeseball. That never comes across well via text. Wow, I just had a genius idea for an app, “what to say back to boys”… too bad I just gave that away to all you readers out there, and you’re welcome. Okay I sent a message back, and it actually wasn’t half bad… I had a mild stroke to squeeze it out of my brain but it was well worth it.

So, I’ve also been noticing for awhile now different patterns of guys text messages. I mean I know we’re all different, and everyone has their own way of doing things bla bla bla… but really when you think about it, guys are pretty similar in a lot of ways, especially when it comes to dating, and thus texting. The question is, what is the meaning behind the way he texts. Well, I thought it would be fun to call some of these texters out, and make an educated guess on what I believe is its meaning. So I present to you…

Texters: The different kinds and the meanings behind them.

Texter #1 – The Over-Texter: This is not very common. This is the guy that actually might text even more than you, holy shit! He is very into you, and may not send paragraphs like you, but will often send multiple texts at one time. One thought on this is that you may be in the friend zone. This might be alright, unless you’re in complete denial about it. I’d be a bit careful of this one also, because the guy may verge on creepy. I know I know, guys will probably look at that and think, oh, just because a guy likes you and texts you a lot – that makes him creepy? Sorry, but it kinda does…
He isn’t always a creep however. And the sad part about this texter is that if you decide to allow him to pursue you and then turn out to like him back, he can then just as easily transition into one of these other texters. Men!

Texter #2 – The Weekend Texter: This is the guy that only texts you on the weekends, usually to see what you are up to… and maybe even later in the night. Of course the obvious response to this is that it is a booty call! Well, yes, but it’s not so cut and dry. I had a perfect experience with a “Weekend Texter” recently, and got some answers about it from one of my best guy friends. So this “Weekend Texter” actually seemed to really like me and want to hang out, but of course would only text on the weekends. I would never meet up with him (not so into weekend texters), but he just kept right on texting, and even learned to text me earlier in the day at least. Finally one time I boldly texted him back that if he really wanted to hang out with me, he should make his life easier and just ask me out on a date. Well, he never asked me out on that date, but continued to “weekend text” me. So ridiculous!! So I told my friend about this, and he asked me if I’ve ever hooked up with him. Well I’ve never had sex with him, but one time we did hook up a little. “See?!” my guy friend says, “If you hooked up with him once, that means there’s a chance that you’ll hook up with him again, so he’s just trying to catch you on a night where maybe you’ll be a little drunk and will do it again!” I said that didn’t make sense. If he took me on a date then there would be a much greater chance of me hooking up with him. To this my friend responded, “Yeah, but he JUST wants to hook up with you.” Well I guess that says it all, and good luck to that guy cause it ain’t happening! 😉

Texter #3: The “Wait Two Hours Before Texting Back” Texter – I find this to be the most common of all male texters. Do I think that maybe some guys genuinely are too busy to respond to texts right away, and really just can’t? I’d say thats probably about 3.6% of them, 54% of the time. The rest are just being stupid, but think that they’re being really smart, and tactical. Boy are they wrong. We as women must learn to let this slide I think, but I really wish that I could just talk so much shit about it to the guys that do it. And the worst part is that then we’re like supposed to do it back or something? Like if we then text them back right away, then we are somehow too eager. I hate this part of texting, with a burning passion so deep that the devil’s ass crack is sitting on it.

The only reasoning I can think of for these guys is that they don’t want to come off as too eager, or maybe they don’t want to carry on a conversation for too long. Either way this is just playing games, which is really kind of pathetic. But, I had another, beautiful gay bestie put something into perspective for me about men last night, and it’s a great thought. All guys began as little boys, growing up trying to get the little girls and always being cut down by them. It was scary, and girls are still scary to guys for the most part. This is especially true if they are pretty girls. They don’t know what they’re doing, and so, 9 times out of 10, they just run away. I kind of love that thought in a way, and feel like it explains a lot… but I also think it kind of sucks. I think what most of us girls just want is a guy to be brave and tell us if they want us; be fearless.

Texter #4: The “Text-Only” Texter – Isn’t texting just easier in so many ways? I’m sure 99% of guys believe that, because that’s all they ever do. When a guy actually calls me at this point I am amazed, and totally smitten for it. I love a guy that can still talk on the phone. But that just doesn’t really happen anymore. This one time I tried calling a guy because, call me crazy, but I actually wanted to TALK to him. He texted me back that he had just come home from work and was exhausted. Too exhausted to talk, I mean talk?! That’s just cray. Needless to say I never spoke to him again after that, and he obviously wasn’t that into it. If a guy always texts you that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t truly like you, but I would maybe give him the talk test. If he picks up and talks to you, then maybe, just maybe he’s alright. But if he doesn’t pick up and then texts you back, definite red flag.

Texter #5: The Short Texter – No, this does not mean physically short… although, is it weird that I’m into short guys lately? I’m on this crazy Woody Allen kick! Anyhow, I think we all know what this means. This is something natural within men. Men are simplistic creatures living in a complex world… because women created it to be that way, and rule over the universe. So, there are lots of guys that send short texts. Maybe even one worders sometimes. Ugghh how did they ever get to be so smug, it drives me nuts! I would literally have to analyze the text for like four hours to be able to shorten it down to a couple words… ahhhh maybe that’s why guys take two hours to text back! Now we’re getting somewhere!

The nice part about these texters is that they may hate texting as much as you. But I don’t think this is anything to worry about too much, as long as the guy is still texting you back. And maybe even texting you first occasionally. What’s that text, “What’s Up?” Yeah, that’s the one. That is a hard one to judge. The funny thing would be if when you hang out with one of these “short” texters, they begin reciting Nietzsche or Thoreau… then I might be worried.

Texter #6: The “Emoticon” Texter – I personally love it when guys are manly enough to use emoticons. L-O-V-E love it!! Sure they might be gay, but you know, they could also just be straight and super cool. Just kidding guys, you use those emoticons… not gay attt alllll 😉

Oh, and this definitely means that the guy probably likes you. They may also be more in tune with their emotions. That would be a plus!

So, in conclusion, texting has become almost an art form these days… minus the creativity and deeper thought or meaning. I’m sure that there are many other forms of texters out there, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. The truth is that if a guy really likes you then it really shouldn’t matter too much how, or what, or when, you text. And it won’t. The guy’s that I’ve ended up getting into relationships with, I can’t even remember how I was texting them. If the guy you like is one of these texters then it probably is a red flag. But you never know, maybe if you play that texting game well enough you will make that texting game player fall head over heels for you!

And if you want to play those texting games… food for thought: something my best friend taught me, the Word Count Rule: make sure to always text back a less amount of words than the text that you are responding to. Apparently that works. This may entail a lot of word counting, but come on, it’s just first grade math.

As they say in “Wayne’s World”: Game On!!

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Story Time Children: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Disclaimer: If you are in fact a child, you should not be reading this.

I have been PMS’ing these past couple of days (haha sorry dudes!!), so naturally I’ve been feeling nostalgic. I’ve been having all of these dreams and thoughts about people from my past, parties from many moons ago, and men that have come in and out of my life. Wait, switch that, I mean boys, not men.

So, with all of this nostalgia running through my veins, I thought that I would share with you, dear readers, one of the worst and one of the best dates that I’ve ever had in my life. Let’s start with the worst… and save “the best” for last.

One of the worst dates I’ve ever had was with a Doctor. You would naturally think that dating a doctor would be one of the best moves of any girl’s dating career, and excited I was, as it was my first doctor ever. The only one more excited than me for this date was my mother, of course. This was actually already kind of our second date. The first time we hung out, after meeting at a bar, was just for drinks and it went very well. He was extremely handsome, drove a very nice car, and was actually older than me!! That’s right, older than me (those of you reading this that actually know me will not believe that, and I accept that).

So, once again, I was excited to have this second date with the doctor. So, he picks me up… everything seems great, and we head out to the restaurant. Sushi is on the menu, which I find, like most people, to be a sexy kind of food to eat… and I was ready to feel sexy. By the time we got to the restaurant the doctor had begun sweating, kind of profusely, but I let that slide. We were seated right away at the restaurant, and then immediately following, the doctor excused himself to the restroom. Okay, that’s normal. But what wasn’t so normal was that he then spent probably, oh, the next fifteen or so minutes in there. I think the waiter came to our table twice during that time, and I really didn’t know what to say.

When he finally returned to the table he was sweating even more than before… like his face was pretty red and sweat was glistening off of it. I tried to conceal my expression, which was probably a mixture between confusion and horror. Obviously I didn’t conceal it too well, because he then felt the need to explain to me exactly what was going on with his body… in great detail. Apparently as soon as he turned 30 (and that’s why I don’t date older guys ;p) he began to have very strange bowel movement problems that had really been affecting his stomach, and thus his dates, he revealed to me. Now this guy was a doctor, so he then felt the need to get all scientific about it, and actually explain in great detail what was going on inside his body. I seriously wanted to throw up at this point, and we hadn’t even eaten. Both of us had a hard time eating that night: him because of his “bowel movement problems” and me because of having to listen to him talk about it.

I actually felt sorry for the guy though (I mean that really sucks), and have been accused of being overly nice, so I didn’t show him how disgusted I felt. I went along with it as much as I could and even played it off like it wasn’t a big deal. I think really, for me, it was the sweating that really got to me. The craziest part was that after all of that, dropping me off at the end of the night, HE ACTUALLY TRIED TO KISS ME!! I let him peck me, which was not easy, and I think I then pretty much slammed the door in his face. I think he got the point.

I know what you’re thinking, poooor doctor… but poor me!! That was supposed to be like a totally cool, marriage material doctor for me to rub in people’s faces. Oh well… and I haven’t dated a doctor since, go figure!

To calm your now probably repulsed nerves, I will tell you about a great date I once had. And it did also involve sushi.

There was a guy that I had had a hugeee crush on forever. I thought he was such a heartthrob, but he had dated this girl I knew for a long time, so I could only admire him from afar. Whenever we would see each other though, we would get along really well, and the night would usually end with him teaching me how to beatbox. Well they broke up, and I didn’t see him for a long time… that is until one of us found the other on facebook (maybe it was even still MySpace at that time… yeah I just said MySpace!!).

We began talking and we exchanged numbers. Right off the bat he was texting me things about how he had these very strong feelings for me for some reason. He just had this “feeling”. This was really exciting to me as I’d never had a guy be so forward with me, especially one that I was so unbelievably attracted to. He asked me to come out (okay, he didn’t have a car waa waaaa) to see him that night and go to Sushi with him. I couldn’t refuse. I was schvitzing by the time I got out to see him… butterflies were swirling all around inside my stomach. But when I saw him it was all so comfortable. We had a great dinner and conversation, as if we’d done it a million times. It just really felt right.

After dinner he said that we should take a drive down to the beach, and who was I to argue. I liked that he was a guy that took charge and made decisions! He also wanted to drive… okay! As we were driving through the canyon down to the beach, he suddenly looked over at me and told me to kiss him. I said, “You want me to kiss you right now while you’re driving?!” He puckered his lips. We shared our first kiss then. It was funny, but pretty great.

At the beach it was beautiful, and dark, and cold. We grabbed a blanket and headed down closer to the water. We talked a lot walking around, and then finally laid our blanket down and started making out. It was something I had wanted for so long, and it was sooo good. So basically we ended up doing it right there on the beach. HA! I was totally not myself that night!! But he really brought that side out of me.

We ended up dating for a year after that, and I shared many firsts with him. The person that he ended up becoming is a whole other, and much more sad, story… but I will always have that perfect first date. 🙂 ❤

Wow, now I’m feeling REALLY nostalgic.

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“Acting Demure” or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I’ve always wanted to reference Dr. Strangelove in one of my titles, and now that I have, I can move on with my life…

I would like to now tell you that my brain is a jumbled mess right now. I keep hearing all of these different tips about dating and how women should act when trying to attract the opposite sex… are things really so cut and dry? Like, just follow these simple little rules and you will meet the man of your dreams? I know that men are very simple creatures (sorry guys, although most will probably look at that as a compliment), so maybe there is something to these rules. But I for one, am much more complex, and I think I am far too complex of a person for these rules. According to one of these books that means that I am undateable and will never find a suitable mate. Well, I already knew that I was undateable, but I guess I was just kind of hoping that I could find someone as weird as me, so that we could be weirdos together and have this awesomely goofy life… I think something like that wouldn’t come from a book anyways.

But, why the hell not humor ourselves by discussing some of these rules that I have been hearing, because although I may not be able to follow most of them, apparently if you do you can get like any guy you want… pretty awesome!

I recently came across a very interesting and hysterical dating blog about a woman who found this book from 1995 called, “The Rules”(http://ifollowedtherules.wordpress.com/category/rule-1/). This book has mapped out the very strict and specific guidelines that you MUST adhere to if you want to “catch the guy”. Now, first of all, let’s not jump to conclusions on me being THAT undateable… trust me, I get guys, plenty of them. In fact, I mostly think that me being far too picky is what keeps me single for the most part. Well, that and being super shy. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that I’m the least shy, and most social, person they know. But there’s just something that changes me into this shy, and dare I say frightened, little bunny when put around desirable males. That shell needs to be popped right open! However, when I do find a guy that I am comfortable with, then it’s typically a good sign. Okay, breaking off of that tangent, apparently being shy is not such a bad thing. Oh wait, did I say shy? No no, I meant to say “demure”. Oh yeah, demure… that basically sounds like being shy, but it’s like the fancy version of being shy… I’m not too fancy. To get specific with these first set of rules, here they are exactly:

In order to get a guy, you must be “A Creature Unlike Any Other”… okay, I think I can fuck with that… way to be demure right there…

I MUST:

1. Be demure

2. Pretend I’m a Movie Star

3. Build Myself Up with Slogans like, “I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.”

4. Be mysterious

Now, I may be shy at times, but I am just none of these things!! My friend had a good point with this stuff when I told her about it. She said, “So, you act like these things to get the guy and then you go out with him and show him your true self, and then he’s like who is this loud and crazy person?!” That does seem to pose some problems? I was going to try an experiment trying to put these rules to use, but then I realized that I’m not sure if I CAN even act like this haha. I strongly encourage any of you to try these things out though, and best of luck to you! I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, experiments are the BEST!!

I was next given advice by one of my friends who was told this by another friend of hers. Her friend had told her that when she is in any location where she is trying to attract a guy, she mentally and physically “leads” with her womb. I assume this means to kind of envision yourself doing this, like sourcing your energy towards that lower nether region. Supposedly this energy is all the rage with the guys. She was on a date with this really hot guy and things were going well, but he wasn’t making any moves. Then she remembered, oh yeah, that thing about leading with your womb. And she said that as soon as she did it, suddenly he was all like, “I don’t know why, but I want to kiss you so bad right now!” Obviously she was like Yeah! I think this one is easy enough for even ME to try out!! It’s kinda funny, but hey, I am all about energy sourcing.

This last one is for both guys and girls, and taken from a phenomenally awesome independent film made in 2000 titled, “The Tao of Steve”. “The Tao of Steve” is a list of exercises that is an infallible and surefire way to get a guy/girl to like you. This movie was originally introduced to me by my best guy friend, who to say used to be a player, would be putting it mildly. He is now settled down with a very lovely and intelligent girlfriend, so kudos to him. But when he introduced me to this film, I was mesmerized… this even seemed like something I could maybe do, because it leads from intellect… and I think I have some of that, woohoo!! (Disclaimer: emphasis on the SOME there). So here is the way to play the game, and keep in mind, this is a step by step process, so you do one after the other:

1.  The first thing you do after targeting your potential soulmate, is to be absolutely and completely desireless towards them. Act like you have zero urge to be with them physically.So #1: Be desireless.

2. Show excellence in their presence. This happens after you’ve shown them that you are desireless towards them. And it can be anything from showing your skills at pool, to revealing your philosophical side, to showcasing your panache for cooking, or even how well you play with puppies and kittens. See I like this one, because it actually helps to have a personality (I have this new theory about how a lot of guys like girls with no personality or sense of humor… but more on that later).

3. Retreat. So, just when they think they’re getting to know this amazingly talented person that has zero desire towards them, you disappear all of a sudden, make haste, don’t call or write. You retreat damn’t! So that when you finally do pop back up, they certainly don’t want to lose this amazingly talented person again, and hold on for dear life.

And that’s it… that’s all the advice I have to give. I love the Tao of Steve one, but there’s one problem in that for me, and that’s number 1… I have way too much desire damn it!! I can’t be desireless, I wouldn’t even know how to begin to not have desire!!! But I want it to work, and if, and that is one big IF, I can actually find some dudes to put these awesome tips to use… you know I’m gonna! Starting with the “leading with your womb” one, cause we all know it’s the easiest. 😉

So, I currently have zero guys in my life, which equals zero attachments. I’m free as a bird, and I have to say it feels pretty good (aside from when I get that certain urge “down there”, I’m talking about being horny!)… but I’d rather be alone than with someone that doesn’t appreciate me for the little weirdo that I am. And you never know when that can change in a heartbeat… or more like a flutter of heartbeats. And when I do find him, I’m gonna date him so hard. 🙂

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Drinks with An Actor (…and why it never happened)

Living in L.A. (born and raised) I make it a point to NOT date actors. Okay, sure if any celebrity actor wanted to take me out, I would probably not say no… okay, or if the guy was super hot. Well, this guy is pretty cute, some girls would probably say that he is hot, but he’s a little metro for me (I’m thinking that this is also a quality of actors? haha). Anyways, he wouldn’t let getting a drink go, so finally I relented.

It’s already not starting well however, for many reasons. Reason #1- I’m pretty sure that he has a girlfriend. Guys with girlfriends trying to hang out with me on a “more than just friends” level is no bueno with me! I mean, I am the type of girl where I will not only reject you if you have a girlfriend, but I will actually chastise you with your manhood and make you wish you’d never gone out with me in the first place! So we’ll see about that one muah-ha-ha… Reason #2- He wants to get drinks. I’m 29 years-young, and I am at that point in my life where I want to be taken out on proper dates dammit! Is that really too much to ask for?? Drinks?? Really? Okay, well fine, we can get drinks, but don’t think you are getting ANY sort of action with drinks. (Disclaimer: If I was really attracted to a guy, he would probably get some action with drinks) Reason #3- His texts are really annoying. He has said the phrases to me, “aren’t you too cool for school” and “thanks for fitting me in Ms. Popular”. Both of those things are HUGE turn-offs, am I right?? It made me feel all icky and weird inside when I read it…

Okay, so obviously at this point I’m thinking that this is purely a “friendly” drinks meet up… and in no way, shape, or form is it anything more. He is really sweet, so I’m thinking, maybe he is just secretly gay and then he can be my new bff. But then he texts me a few hours before we were supposed to meet (at the point where I was already thinking of excuses to cancel) and tells me that an audition just came up and he can’t make it. I said no worries at all, and that we would reschedule. I knew at that moment that I would never be getting drinks with him, I was magically let off the hook, and that was a sign.

But the texts wouldn’t stop. I realized that what was really eating away at me was the girlfriend thing, so finally I just called him out. I asked him if he still had a girlfriend, saying that’s what was really bothering me. He told me that things were “cooling off” between them but that they were still in contact. And then in the next sentence he states that, “but he is still fully available”. What?! The guy just completely contradicted himself, they’re merely cooling off, still in contact, and he’s fully available?! Does he even realize how this looks to me?? Apparently not, because he continues with his texts…

I really tried to be nice about me not being interested, telling him that we are obviously in two different places at the moment (read: so stop texting me and get the point!), but he couldn’t let it go. Then he sent me SEVEN text messages in a row with me not responding. I finally told him, sorry but drinks are still a no. I am way too nice! He asked why, and I appreciated him actually being curious. I had just wanted to know why the last guy I went on a date with all of a sudden stopped calling me, but he was too much of a coward to even talk to me, so I wasn’t going to be a hypocrite. I sent him a long text telling him why I wasn’t interested, with the most sincere honesty. He responds with: “I just figured you weren’t attracted to me :/” That’s all he cared about?! This guy really is an actor!!!

Our conversation ended with him telling me that he was going to give me a month, so that he can prove to me that he is fully available, and then if I’m still single he’ll take me out.

So I have a month to find a boyfriend. 😉

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EMERGENCY!! I’m having an Instagram emergency!!!

AAAHHHHHH!!! One of my worst nightmares has come true tonight!! I was stalking a guy’s profile (namely the target of my last post) and I accidentally liked one of his pictures!!!! I repeat I accidentally liked a fucking picture… and once again, AAAHHHHHH!!!!! I suck at life. Disastrous… I was so proud of myself for not texting him back before, and now he’ll see that I also instagram stalk him. Wait, let’s make that past tense stalk-ed, because I will never go back there again!! He’ll also probably make his profile private after this.

He hasn’t said anything yet. Of course I “un”liked it, but it took me a second because of my heart dropping somewhere between my knees causing my hands to fumble the phone and go back however many pages, and then me contemplating whether to smash the phone against the wall, and then me having to go all the way back to that picture to unlike it (it sounds like a lot, but it probably took all of four seconds).

If he does text me something about it (because we all already know he won’t call) then I thought of an excuse. I’m gonna play dumb at first like “What?! No I didn’t like any of your pictures.” Then I’ll be like “Oohhhh maybee it was my friend, because I was telling her about what a ratard you were and she wanted to put a face to the name so I showed her your instagram, that I had seen before, and she must have liked one of them by accident”? I can’t tell if that response would make things seem better or worse?

Okay writing all of this has at least somewhat made me feel better. Has this happened to anyone else?? I would LOVE to hear some other horror stories… misery does love company after all ;p

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Update on the “Date Guy” aka WHY CAN’T GUYS TALK?!

Just  to recap a bit: In my last post (well second to last entitled Experiment #2) I talked about a guy I went on a really nice date with. I really liked him, and thought that he really liked me. He texted me the day after the date, and then after that, nada. I texted him twice thereafter, and he responded but was short. He said he got “busy with work”, and oh yeah, is now leaving TOMORROW for Chicago for two months. After tomorrow I will finally be able to let the whole thing totally go… aaahhhhhh freedom…

So in my last post I said that I was going to call him on Thursday if he hadn’t called me, because I’m at the point in my life right now where basically I don’t give a shit! I am ALL about communication, or at least trying to communicate! Sheesh, it now seems that trying to communicate with a guy is like trying to play darts with spaghetti… it’s hard. And so that was proved once again, when I tried calling him. I couldn’t wait until Thursday as I started freaking out, wondering if he had possibly found and read my blog, and if THAT was why he lost interest! So I called him on Tuesday, and this is what happened:

I called him. He didn’t pick up, and I didn’t leave a message. Soon after, I get a text from him saying, “Hey! What’s going on” So I text him back, “Just wanted to say hey before you left, but I guess sometimes I’d actually rather talk then text, crazy concept huh?” So he texts me back, “Ahaah I think we talked about this. Yeah I get it. I just got home from work so I’m a lil beat. How you doing” And that was it… was I about to respond to that?! No, I was not. I mean, you can’t actually talk on the phone??… sometimes guys will do whatever they can, anything and everything to avoid communication, and just putting things out there. I understand that it takes ACTUAL BALLS to BE A MAN and talk to a girl, and answer her questions on what went wrong. But he’s probably thinking, “I don’t owe her anything” and he’s right, he doesn’t… but that means that he’s also kind of a coward.

There were definitely some red flags anyways with this one. On our date, he asked me if I hooked up with this guy, and I didn’t so I said no. Okay, that was a fluke and I let it slide. THEN he asks me if I hooked up with this other guy, WHO DOES THAT ON A FIRST DATE?! Okay, so I did hook up with this second guy, I’m 29 years-young, I’m not a virgin for christs sake!!! So I told him the truth. That made things awkward for a bit and it was his fault for asking.

So, through all of this, I learned a valuable lesson that we should all remember. When you are first getting to know someone, if you do one thing that irks them the wrong way, they will most likely be over it. It might just be ruined. That may sound a bit harsh, but think about it: If you’re hanging with someone, it’s new and you’re just getting to know them and then they do something that’s weird to you or that you don’t like, you might just be over it also. I wish I could have found out what that thing was with him, whether it might have been something I texted him, my blog, the fact that I did hook up with that guy, who knows! But at least now I know that when I’m just getting to know a guy I should probably be on my best behavior! By this I mean to be cautious about the things that you say, and to not reveal too much (especially NEVER tell them that you have a dating blog!) 😉 My number one belief is still to ALWAYS be yourself… but now I’m adding, and on your best behavior, to that!! 😉

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Experiment #2 – EPIC FAIL… but it’s not my fault.

As I sit here on a Saturday morning, fairly early as I did not go out last night, I am thinking that it’s been awhile. It’s been awhile that I posted, been awhile since I hooked up with a guy, been awhile since I dated someone! I had a really nice date last week actually… I mean this was a real date at a nice restaurant! How often does that happen any more? And I have to say I really kind of like this one. We have a lot in common, and he’s a writer, and a nice Jewish boy… we even knew each other when we were in elementary school, so bizarre! But alas, he’s gotten “busy at work” and oh yeah, is leaving next week to Chicago for two months. Oh brother, can’t a girl catch a break? He hasn’t even really been texting me any more, although when I first met him he pretty much seemed like he was in love. Story of my life.

Also, I was in Vancouver this past week with my family (my beautiful, brilliant cousin got married), and on this trip I became very observant of relationships. Let’s put it this way, I was basically the only single person there. Yeah, I was “that person”. This cute 22 year-old was trying to talk to me at the wedding, but I wasn’t into it. Holy crap, me, Jessica Fuks, doesn’t go for the cute 22 year-old?? Wow, maybe I am growing up and maturing. No, that’s not it… I was just so infatuated with the guy I went on a date with (and hoping he would text me, which he never did) that I just could not be bothered. Yeah, that’s it.

So anyways, I was observing relationships. My own parents divorced when I was 9 years-old, but two of my Aunt’s have been happily married for practically forever. And pretty much all of their children are in beautiful, committed relationships with loving partners. Another one of my cousin’s is getting married next year and they are seriously the perfect couple. So I was thinking, I am blood related to my Aunts, aren’t I? And they are the women of the family, as am I. So why can’t I use them as my example, and take after them? They will be the one’s I look to, to see how a wonderful relationship works and use as my road map in love and life. I also have some friends whose parents I’ve grown close with that share incredible, lasting relationships. These couples are my greatest inspiration and I am so grateful to have each of them in my life. With so many people coming from broken homes these days, including myself, we must look to whomever we can for inspiration. If it is their truth, then it too can be ours as well.

Okay, so enough of this ultra, super duper cheesiness. It’s Saturday morning and I must focus on the now, and by that I mean tonight. Tonight I will go out, and hit the town with my girls. And of course, there will be an experiment. My goal is to give my newly printed cards out to three guys. I will give an update tomorrow to say how things went. But that is my goal, and I’m stickin to it! Until then, hittin the beach!

Update: This experiment was an EPIC FAIL! I didn’t even go to the beach on Saturday… it was really overcast. I mean my life, it’s overcast. Both my friend and I had forgotten that this weekend was all about a music festival taking place in downtown L.A. The bars were barren, I mean void of any sort of attractive human males. There was literally not one single guy I would have wanted to give my card to. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I tricked myself into believing that to let myself off the hook. Maybe. But I really did try searching.

With the epic fail of Saturday night lingering, I thought I could make up for it by doing the experiment the next evening at a BBQ I went to with some friends. There were some cute musician guys there, but yeah, I’m pretty much a failure. And then I got a text from a guy that used to be purely a booty call for me, wanting to go to the movies. So I went. I didn’t even give him a card!! And then we didn’t even hook up, which I figured was the point of us hanging out? It’s cool though, I think he just wanted to break the ice since it’s been awhile. I had a really nice weekend, especially Sunday, but I must beg to ask the question… Where is my mind right now?!

It is now Monday, and I read an article this morning about spending the next 30 days surrendering to love. I think it was just what I needed. Just allowing whatever comes to you in, and jump right into it. Surrender yourself to the Universe, and to love, and give up the control of your life to an energy that will guide you perfectly. I strongly believe in this, and starting on this day, and for the next 30 days, I am surrendering myself to whatever comes along. Here is the link in case you’d like to try the thirty day challenge yourself: http://thedailylove.com/one-of-the-greatest-spiritual-tools-i-know-of/

Further Update: The weekend has come and gone, and the guy I went on a date with a week and a half ago, still hasn’t called or texted (mind you he did text me the day after the date, so I thought it went well. And then nothing). I seriously don’t get it, and am truly wondering what went wrong in his mind. If only for my own piece of mind, I will attempt to unmask his own truths behind his actions. I am going to wait until Thursday (as he’s leaving for Chicago the day after), and if he still hasn’t called then I am going to call him, and try to get it out of him. So, stay tuned eeekkkk! 🙂 

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I chose to post a clip today from this movie, “Francis Ha”. This is a movie that I share a very deep connection with. No matter what she goes through in the movie she always put on a brave and happy face. And she really helped me to embrace my quirks… and there are many! Francis Ha is me, and I’m proud to have a piece of her within, and I’m even proud to be a member of The Undateable society.

My 1st Dating Experiment: The Mass Text

Okay, I’ll admit it. I, Jessica Fuks, have recently fallen into a bit of misfortune on the guy front. It’s true, but it’s okay though… I keep reading all these things about embracing the pitfalls, and celebrating the challenges, because it is only then when you realize that you are going through a period of growth, and with that brings new and better beginnings. Ahhh growth, what a beautiful word. And I do truly believe this, and stay positive for the most part. With that said, this is what’s been going on…

Three times in a row now… THREE! I’ve hooked up with a guy… and then never heard from him again.

Keep in mind that all three of these guys are not just guys I met out one night, and this happened… Whoa No! These are ALL guys that I have known, and liked, for quite some time. Backstory time:

Guy #1 – This guy is my best guy friend’s other best friend. I’ve liked him since the day I met him. He’s super cute, but he was always off and on with his girlfriend, although this time when they broke up it really seemed like it was the end. He’s pretty weird and quirky… and artsy, which I like. But his weird and quirky attributes can also be a bit much. There’s something everyone who reads this blog should know about me… I can be pretty awkward sometimes. I like to think it’s an endearing quality. This guy can be real awkward too… can two awkward people work? I suppose that I should research this more at another time and place. So anyways, I really tried to be understanding to his unique ways, which included being a really horrible communicator.

Guy #2 – This guy is also a really good friend of one of my other guy friends. My guy friend had always wanted to set me up with him, and when his girlfriend recently cheated on him, it seemed like the perfect time. We liked each other right away, and it was all very natural. He was beyond sweet and complimentary towards me when we hung out, and I really thought it was on. I mean at least a few dates, come on!! Okay, so he also may have mentioned the fact that he was moving back to Boston soon, but hey, he made it seem as if it would be at least another 4 to 6 months.

Guy #3 – This is a local Venice friend that I have known for about 4 years and liked for oh, at least a year or more. He always seemed to have a girlfriend as well, but there was still the most intense chemistry and spark you could imagine every time we would see each other. All of you out there in cyber land know exactly what I’m talking about. Just the most intense feelings “down there” whenever you see them, and a shared connection. Isn’t that just the best? Also though, his best friend did used to have a big crush on me, but that seemed to completely disappear as an issue when he recently tried to hook up with my roommate. In front of me! Right?! And then this guy became single again, and we saw each other… and that was pretty much it. And talk about complimentary! He complimented me even more than the last guy!

I have to say, after writing these descriptions, I’m beginning to open my eyes to the very distinct ways in which each one of these guys are unavailable. Suck it up to a case of bad timing? Or is it me? I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Also, a fun little anecdote for Guy #1 and Guy #2: Guy #1 looks a lot like Charlie, Marnie’s boyfriend, from the show “Girls”, and Guy #2 looks a lot like Adam, Hannah’s boyfriend, from the show, so I’ve nicknamed them Charlie and Adam. That’s for all of you “Girls” fans out there, and if you don’t know, you better ask somebody! Both pretty scrumptious! It’s a little scary how much I love that show.

So, ALL of these guys that I have liked for awhile, suddenly come out of the woodworks. You think it would be like a dream come true, and it kind of was. One after the other going through break-ups and suddenly becoming available to hook up with. And they are readily available (you think, “well yeah, they’re dudes so…”, but I can be shy, so it was actually crazy how easily it happened with all of them). And then, one after the other, in three consecutive weekends, I hook up with each of them. Mind you I only actually had sex with one of them, and I wouldn’t even consider it sex with how long it lasted! Zing! Feels good just to drill that hole deeply in.

But the last laugh is on me. As soon as it happens, it’s over, and each time, they don’t call. I don’t hear from a single one! Can you believe it?? These are guys that I KNEW… really knew, and actually liked. I really thought that for once in my life I, Jessica, was going to have to make up MY mind about which one I wanted to choose… which one I wanted to be with. I literally can’t believe it! I’m schvitzing over here!

But that’s what happened, that’s the story. So now, I’m contemplating how to proceed, or if I should proceed at all. A part of me realizes that I truly don’t care sooo much for any one of these guys, although I truly believed that I did at one time. And I am curious, and why the hell not throw caution to the wind… it’s not like I would have heard from them anyways! And why not have a little fun, like these guys so easily did… okay, I had fun too. 😉 But, empowerment is key, and I’d like to feel a little empowered after what I’ve been through.

So here’s my idea, an experiment… Send all three of the guys the same text message at the same time and just see, for shits and gigs, what their responses will be. A preface to Guy #1… I’m almost 100% certain that he is back with his ex-girlfriend already, shoulda seen that one coming! My best friend calls the relationship completely dysfunctional, but who am I to judge really.

*Disclaimer: I wrote the next few paragraphs in real time, as I was actually about to send the text. I wanted my feelings of the extreme anxiety I was feeling to really shine through. Also, recording all of this as I was actually doing it helped to calm my nerves. The responses section, and afterthoughts, were all written some time after the experiment.

So here’s the text that I thought of to send: “Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass.” Good? I thought it was simple, straight to the point, and clearly states how I feel about each one of them.

Alright, here goes nothing eeekkk, I’m gonna text them all… and damn them all to hell!!! Wow, that was me getting dramatic. Actually, I really have no hard feelings whatsoever… and I fully accept the fact that this may backfire.

Okay, I did it, and needless to say I feel pretty angsty… kind of like a child that does something bad, but that they so wanted to do, and is now just waiting for their punishment.

Responses:

Guy #3 responds first, here’s how the conversation went: Me – Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass. #3 – I’m sorry that you feel that way. I felt uncomfortable about the situation. I hope you can respect that. Me – Well, I would have respected that if you had told me you felt that way… I thought I deserved more than that. I guess you didn’t consider my feelings. #3 – I thought we were on the same page. I apologize for not making myself more clear. I have no bad feelings towards you at all. It’s the situation. Me – Why would you have bad feelings towards me, I was nothing but nice and supportive. Oh well, guess it’s done. Oh, and I felt bad so I texted (his bff that liked me) and he said it wasn’t weird at all. #3 – I said I don’t have bad feelings (idiot!). It’s not (the bff), it’s me feeling uncomfortable about you and me around (the bff).

I chose to stop responding after that. The conversation wasn’t going anywhere, I felt like we were going in circles!

So far, the first response made me feel bad, and like my feelings were not considered. I’m glad that I got to get out what I wanted to say. People think that there are things you shouldn’t say these days. No one believes in communication anymore it seems, especially with guys. But I stand true to my beliefs that communication is key, if nothing else but to make yourself feel better. Why should we be afraid to say what we want to? The right guy will WANT to communicate and have things be out in the open… so why not get some practice in the meantime. 🙂

He was the one that I thought would respond first, and I actually wondered if the other two would respond at all. But the next response cam just an hour later from Guy #2 “Adam”.

Guy #2 “Adam” gave me one word: Me – Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass. Adam – Fair.

I actually laughed… it was pretty funny and true. I went through many options of things to say back to that, like “haha” or “I would laugh but I just can’t find it in me”… something along those lines. Finally I decided just to leave it be, and not respond anything back to that. I will admit, sometimes that is definitely the best option. Knowing when to stop. That could actually be a very useful lesson to many girls I think, including myself. I’m reading a lot about intuition right now, and following your gut… texting can give you good and simple practice for listening to what your intuition is telling you.

The final response, which I was surprised to receive at all, came later that night. I can only imagine how long he focused on what his response would be, and boy was it calculated. It reminded me what I really like about him actually, and even though it was harsh, I didn’t take it to heart. Besides, I kind of loved my response back to him. Any chance I get to be somewhat philosophical makes me a happy girl.

Guy #1 “Charlie”: Me – Hey, I was thinking about you earlier and I just want you to know… You’re an ass. Charlie – Thanks. Beware you’re standing on a two way street before you get angry things you want aren’t coming your direction. I might be going through my own shit… (I’ll bet he thought that was just brilliant, and he wasn’t far off). Me – I’m not angry, I just wanted to tell you how I was feeling, whether or not things were coming my direction, I was commenting on the way the situation was handled. And maybe you have your own way of dealing with things, but I’m also a good friend to talk to about going through shit… (now that was brilliant).

He didn’t respond back.

So that was it, that was my experiment… pretty interesting stuff! I haven’t seen or heard from any of them since, which is totally fine as I was over it all pretty quickly (I am getting real good in my late twenties). It will definitely be interesting when I do see one of them again!! And I’ll make sure to take note of it 😉 Do I regret doing it at all? Not in the slightest! It was a fun experiment, and although no one professed their undying love for me, I learned many lessons and got a lot out of it. It was also interesting to see each of their responses and their distinct personality traits come out.

There are two great lessons I’ve learned from this experience. The first is that I’m obviously choosing the wrong guys. These are guys that are unavailable, have issues, and are not ready for a commitment. One thing all of these guys had in common was that they had just gotten out of relationships; that’s almost crazy on my part! Okay, so riddle me this, how do I choose the RIGHT guys? Obviously rule #1 should be to never choose a guy that just got out of a relationship. But what else… how do we find that ever elusive Mr. Right? I find that there are many girls these days that believe that Mr. Right is just a myth, but I’d really like to think that they’re out there. And they are. Now, where and when to find them? If I knew the answer to that question then I’d be a billionaire, twice over. Maybe the answer is as simple as this: Love yourself, and when it’s right, the guy will find you. I am in love with that thought.

The next best lesson I learned from this experience is that if you want to say something to someone then just go ahead and say it!! If you’re questioning whether or not to say it in the first place then you most likely have nothing to lose. People are so careful these days. With all of the endless communication outlets out there, we are actually communicating less than ever before! And this really poses a problem. When I sent that text to the guys it made me feel good; for putting myself out there and getting out what I wanted to say. Sometimes even if it doesn’t change anything with the person, it still changes something for you, and once again, is good practice for the real thing. I only wish that guys would be more open, and communicate with me more, but maybe putting it out there into the Universe is a good start.

Oh, and I love experiments!!! Experiments are great! What a way to shake things up in life. I highly recommend it!! 🙂

 

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