Texters: The different kinds and the meanings behind them.

Ahhhh texting, one of life’s greatest pitfalls. Take texting away forever and I could care less… seriously, I hate texting. I am a writer, and a girl. This means that my texts range from anywhere between two sentences to two pages. Writing a four word text is what happens in hell… no wait, that’s receiving a four word text, which is constant. And that’s just dealing with choice of words, timing is a whole other story. I would like to mention that just now, as I type this, I just received a kind of cute text from a guy… I honestly have no idea what to say back. Damn my overactive brain!!! Oh, and I’m a cheeseball. That never comes across well via text. Wow, I just had a genius idea for an app, “what to say back to boys”… too bad I just gave that away to all you readers out there, and you’re welcome. Okay I sent a message back, and it actually wasn’t half bad… I had a mild stroke to squeeze it out of my brain but it was well worth it.

So, I’ve also been noticing for awhile now different patterns of guys text messages. I mean I know we’re all different, and everyone has their own way of doing things bla bla bla… but really when you think about it, guys are pretty similar in a lot of ways, especially when it comes to dating, and thus texting. The question is, what is the meaning behind the way he texts. Well, I thought it would be fun to call some of these texters out, and make an educated guess on what I believe is its meaning. So I present to you…

Texters: The different kinds and the meanings behind them.

Texter #1 – The Over-Texter: This is not very common. This is the guy that actually might text even more than you, holy shit! He is very into you, and may not send paragraphs like you, but will often send multiple texts at one time. One thought on this is that you may be in the friend zone. This might be alright, unless you’re in complete denial about it. I’d be a bit careful of this one also, because the guy may verge on creepy. I know I know, guys will probably look at that and think, oh, just because a guy likes you and texts you a lot – that makes him creepy? Sorry, but it kinda does…
He isn’t always a creep however. And the sad part about this texter is that if you decide to allow him to pursue you and then turn out to like him back, he can then just as easily transition into one of these other texters. Men!

Texter #2 – The Weekend Texter: This is the guy that only texts you on the weekends, usually to see what you are up to… and maybe even later in the night. Of course the obvious response to this is that it is a booty call! Well, yes, but it’s not so cut and dry. I had a perfect experience with a “Weekend Texter” recently, and got some answers about it from one of my best guy friends. So this “Weekend Texter” actually seemed to really like me and want to hang out, but of course would only text on the weekends. I would never meet up with him (not so into weekend texters), but he just kept right on texting, and even learned to text me earlier in the day at least. Finally one time I boldly texted him back that if he really wanted to hang out with me, he should make his life easier and just ask me out on a date. Well, he never asked me out on that date, but continued to “weekend text” me. So ridiculous!! So I told my friend about this, and he asked me if I’ve ever hooked up with him. Well I’ve never had sex with him, but one time we did hook up a little. “See?!” my guy friend says, “If you hooked up with him once, that means there’s a chance that you’ll hook up with him again, so he’s just trying to catch you on a night where maybe you’ll be a little drunk and will do it again!” I said that didn’t make sense. If he took me on a date then there would be a much greater chance of me hooking up with him. To this my friend responded, “Yeah, but he JUST wants to hook up with you.” Well I guess that says it all, and good luck to that guy cause it ain’t happening! 😉

Texter #3: The “Wait Two Hours Before Texting Back” Texter – I find this to be the most common of all male texters. Do I think that maybe some guys genuinely are too busy to respond to texts right away, and really just can’t? I’d say thats probably about 3.6% of them, 54% of the time. The rest are just being stupid, but think that they’re being really smart, and tactical. Boy are they wrong. We as women must learn to let this slide I think, but I really wish that I could just talk so much shit about it to the guys that do it. And the worst part is that then we’re like supposed to do it back or something? Like if we then text them back right away, then we are somehow too eager. I hate this part of texting, with a burning passion so deep that the devil’s ass crack is sitting on it.

The only reasoning I can think of for these guys is that they don’t want to come off as too eager, or maybe they don’t want to carry on a conversation for too long. Either way this is just playing games, which is really kind of pathetic. But, I had another, beautiful gay bestie put something into perspective for me about men last night, and it’s a great thought. All guys began as little boys, growing up trying to get the little girls and always being cut down by them. It was scary, and girls are still scary to guys for the most part. This is especially true if they are pretty girls. They don’t know what they’re doing, and so, 9 times out of 10, they just run away. I kind of love that thought in a way, and feel like it explains a lot… but I also think it kind of sucks. I think what most of us girls just want is a guy to be brave and tell us if they want us; be fearless.

Texter #4: The “Text-Only” Texter – Isn’t texting just easier in so many ways? I’m sure 99% of guys believe that, because that’s all they ever do. When a guy actually calls me at this point I am amazed, and totally smitten for it. I love a guy that can still talk on the phone. But that just doesn’t really happen anymore. This one time I tried calling a guy because, call me crazy, but I actually wanted to TALK to him. He texted me back that he had just come home from work and was exhausted. Too exhausted to talk, I mean talk?! That’s just cray. Needless to say I never spoke to him again after that, and he obviously wasn’t that into it. If a guy always texts you that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t truly like you, but I would maybe give him the talk test. If he picks up and talks to you, then maybe, just maybe he’s alright. But if he doesn’t pick up and then texts you back, definite red flag.

Texter #5: The Short Texter – No, this does not mean physically short… although, is it weird that I’m into short guys lately? I’m on this crazy Woody Allen kick! Anyhow, I think we all know what this means. This is something natural within men. Men are simplistic creatures living in a complex world… because women created it to be that way, and rule over the universe. So, there are lots of guys that send short texts. Maybe even one worders sometimes. Ugghh how did they ever get to be so smug, it drives me nuts! I would literally have to analyze the text for like four hours to be able to shorten it down to a couple words… ahhhh maybe that’s why guys take two hours to text back! Now we’re getting somewhere!

The nice part about these texters is that they may hate texting as much as you. But I don’t think this is anything to worry about too much, as long as the guy is still texting you back. And maybe even texting you first occasionally. What’s that text, “What’s Up?” Yeah, that’s the one. That is a hard one to judge. The funny thing would be if when you hang out with one of these “short” texters, they begin reciting Nietzsche or Thoreau… then I might be worried.

Texter #6: The “Emoticon” Texter – I personally love it when guys are manly enough to use emoticons. L-O-V-E love it!! Sure they might be gay, but you know, they could also just be straight and super cool. Just kidding guys, you use those emoticons… not gay attt alllll 😉

Oh, and this definitely means that the guy probably likes you. They may also be more in tune with their emotions. That would be a plus!

So, in conclusion, texting has become almost an art form these days… minus the creativity and deeper thought or meaning. I’m sure that there are many other forms of texters out there, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. The truth is that if a guy really likes you then it really shouldn’t matter too much how, or what, or when, you text. And it won’t. The guy’s that I’ve ended up getting into relationships with, I can’t even remember how I was texting them. If the guy you like is one of these texters then it probably is a red flag. But you never know, maybe if you play that texting game well enough you will make that texting game player fall head over heels for you!

And if you want to play those texting games… food for thought: something my best friend taught me, the Word Count Rule: make sure to always text back a less amount of words than the text that you are responding to. Apparently that works. This may entail a lot of word counting, but come on, it’s just first grade math.

As they say in “Wayne’s World”: Game On!!