“Acting Demure” or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

I’ve always wanted to reference Dr. Strangelove in one of my titles, and now that I have, I can move on with my life…

I would like to now tell you that my brain is a jumbled mess right now. I keep hearing all of these different tips about dating and how women should act when trying to attract the opposite sex… are things really so cut and dry? Like, just follow these simple little rules and you will meet the man of your dreams? I know that men are very simple creatures (sorry guys, although most will probably look at that as a compliment), so maybe there is something to these rules. But I for one, am much more complex, and I think I am far too complex of a person for these rules. According to one of these books that means that I am undateable and will never find a suitable mate. Well, I already knew that I was undateable, but I guess I was just kind of hoping that I could find someone as weird as me, so that we could be weirdos together and have this awesomely goofy life… I think something like that wouldn’t come from a book anyways.

But, why the hell not humor ourselves by discussing some of these rules that I have been hearing, because although I may not be able to follow most of them, apparently if you do you can get like any guy you want… pretty awesome!

I recently came across a very interesting and hysterical dating blog about a woman who found this book from 1995 called, “The Rules”(http://ifollowedtherules.wordpress.com/category/rule-1/). This book has mapped out the very strict and specific guidelines that you MUST adhere to if you want to “catch the guy”. Now, first of all, let’s not jump to conclusions on me being THAT undateable… trust me, I get guys, plenty of them. In fact, I mostly think that me being far too picky is what keeps me single for the most part. Well, that and being super shy. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that I’m the least shy, and most social, person they know. But there’s just something that changes me into this shy, and dare I say frightened, little bunny when put around desirable males. That shell needs to be popped right open! However, when I do find a guy that I am comfortable with, then it’s typically a good sign. Okay, breaking off of that tangent, apparently being shy is not such a bad thing. Oh wait, did I say shy? No no, I meant to say “demure”. Oh yeah, demure… that basically sounds like being shy, but it’s like the fancy version of being shy… I’m not too fancy. To get specific with these first set of rules, here they are exactly:

In order to get a guy, you must be “A Creature Unlike Any Other”… okay, I think I can fuck with that… way to be demure right there…

I MUST:

1. Be demure

2. Pretend I’m a Movie Star

3. Build Myself Up with Slogans like, “I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.”

4. Be mysterious

Now, I may be shy at times, but I am just none of these things!! My friend had a good point with this stuff when I told her about it. She said, “So, you act like these things to get the guy and then you go out with him and show him your true self, and then he’s like who is this loud and crazy person?!” That does seem to pose some problems? I was going to try an experiment trying to put these rules to use, but then I realized that I’m not sure if I CAN even act like this haha. I strongly encourage any of you to try these things out though, and best of luck to you! I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, experiments are the BEST!!

I was next given advice by one of my friends who was told this by another friend of hers. Her friend had told her that when she is in any location where she is trying to attract a guy, she mentally and physically “leads” with her womb. I assume this means to kind of envision yourself doing this, like sourcing your energy towards that lower nether region. Supposedly this energy is all the rage with the guys. She was on a date with this really hot guy and things were going well, but he wasn’t making any moves. Then she remembered, oh yeah, that thing about leading with your womb. And she said that as soon as she did it, suddenly he was all like, “I don’t know why, but I want to kiss you so bad right now!” Obviously she was like Yeah! I think this one is easy enough for even ME to try out!! It’s kinda funny, but hey, I am all about energy sourcing.

This last one is for both guys and girls, and taken from a phenomenally awesome independent film made in 2000 titled, “The Tao of Steve”. “The Tao of Steve” is a list of exercises that is an infallible and surefire way to get a guy/girl to like you. This movie was originally introduced to me by my best guy friend, who to say used to be a player, would be putting it mildly. He is now settled down with a very lovely and intelligent girlfriend, so kudos to him. But when he introduced me to this film, I was mesmerized… this even seemed like something I could maybe do, because it leads from intellect… and I think I have some of that, woohoo!! (Disclaimer: emphasis on the SOME there). So here is the way to play the game, and keep in mind, this is a step by step process, so you do one after the other:

1.  The first thing you do after targeting your potential soulmate, is to be absolutely and completely desireless towards them. Act like you have zero urge to be with them physically.So #1: Be desireless.

2. Show excellence in their presence. This happens after you’ve shown them that you are desireless towards them. And it can be anything from showing your skills at pool, to revealing your philosophical side, to showcasing your panache for cooking, or even how well you play with puppies and kittens. See I like this one, because it actually helps to have a personality (I have this new theory about how a lot of guys like girls with no personality or sense of humor… but more on that later).

3. Retreat. So, just when they think they’re getting to know this amazingly talented person that has zero desire towards them, you disappear all of a sudden, make haste, don’t call or write. You retreat damn’t! So that when you finally do pop back up, they certainly don’t want to lose this amazingly talented person again, and hold on for dear life.

And that’s it… that’s all the advice I have to give. I love the Tao of Steve one, but there’s one problem in that for me, and that’s number 1… I have way too much desire damn it!! I can’t be desireless, I wouldn’t even know how to begin to not have desire!!! But I want it to work, and if, and that is one big IF, I can actually find some dudes to put these awesome tips to use… you know I’m gonna! Starting with the “leading with your womb” one, cause we all know it’s the easiest. 😉

So, I currently have zero guys in my life, which equals zero attachments. I’m free as a bird, and I have to say it feels pretty good (aside from when I get that certain urge “down there”, I’m talking about being horny!)… but I’d rather be alone than with someone that doesn’t appreciate me for the little weirdo that I am. And you never know when that can change in a heartbeat… or more like a flutter of heartbeats. And when I do find him, I’m gonna date him so hard. 🙂

Standard

Experiment #2 – EPIC FAIL… but it’s not my fault.

As I sit here on a Saturday morning, fairly early as I did not go out last night, I am thinking that it’s been awhile. It’s been awhile that I posted, been awhile since I hooked up with a guy, been awhile since I dated someone! I had a really nice date last week actually… I mean this was a real date at a nice restaurant! How often does that happen any more? And I have to say I really kind of like this one. We have a lot in common, and he’s a writer, and a nice Jewish boy… we even knew each other when we were in elementary school, so bizarre! But alas, he’s gotten “busy at work” and oh yeah, is leaving next week to Chicago for two months. Oh brother, can’t a girl catch a break? He hasn’t even really been texting me any more, although when I first met him he pretty much seemed like he was in love. Story of my life.

Also, I was in Vancouver this past week with my family (my beautiful, brilliant cousin got married), and on this trip I became very observant of relationships. Let’s put it this way, I was basically the only single person there. Yeah, I was “that person”. This cute 22 year-old was trying to talk to me at the wedding, but I wasn’t into it. Holy crap, me, Jessica Fuks, doesn’t go for the cute 22 year-old?? Wow, maybe I am growing up and maturing. No, that’s not it… I was just so infatuated with the guy I went on a date with (and hoping he would text me, which he never did) that I just could not be bothered. Yeah, that’s it.

So anyways, I was observing relationships. My own parents divorced when I was 9 years-old, but two of my Aunt’s have been happily married for practically forever. And pretty much all of their children are in beautiful, committed relationships with loving partners. Another one of my cousin’s is getting married next year and they are seriously the perfect couple. So I was thinking, I am blood related to my Aunts, aren’t I? And they are the women of the family, as am I. So why can’t I use them as my example, and take after them? They will be the one’s I look to, to see how a wonderful relationship works and use as my road map in love and life. I also have some friends whose parents I’ve grown close with that share incredible, lasting relationships. These couples are my greatest inspiration and I am so grateful to have each of them in my life. With so many people coming from broken homes these days, including myself, we must look to whomever we can for inspiration. If it is their truth, then it too can be ours as well.

Okay, so enough of this ultra, super duper cheesiness. It’s Saturday morning and I must focus on the now, and by that I mean tonight. Tonight I will go out, and hit the town with my girls. And of course, there will be an experiment. My goal is to give my newly printed cards out to three guys. I will give an update tomorrow to say how things went. But that is my goal, and I’m stickin to it! Until then, hittin the beach!

Update: This experiment was an EPIC FAIL! I didn’t even go to the beach on Saturday… it was really overcast. I mean my life, it’s overcast. Both my friend and I had forgotten that this weekend was all about a music festival taking place in downtown L.A. The bars were barren, I mean void of any sort of attractive human males. There was literally not one single guy I would have wanted to give my card to. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I tricked myself into believing that to let myself off the hook. Maybe. But I really did try searching.

With the epic fail of Saturday night lingering, I thought I could make up for it by doing the experiment the next evening at a BBQ I went to with some friends. There were some cute musician guys there, but yeah, I’m pretty much a failure. And then I got a text from a guy that used to be purely a booty call for me, wanting to go to the movies. So I went. I didn’t even give him a card!! And then we didn’t even hook up, which I figured was the point of us hanging out? It’s cool though, I think he just wanted to break the ice since it’s been awhile. I had a really nice weekend, especially Sunday, but I must beg to ask the question… Where is my mind right now?!

It is now Monday, and I read an article this morning about spending the next 30 days surrendering to love. I think it was just what I needed. Just allowing whatever comes to you in, and jump right into it. Surrender yourself to the Universe, and to love, and give up the control of your life to an energy that will guide you perfectly. I strongly believe in this, and starting on this day, and for the next 30 days, I am surrendering myself to whatever comes along. Here is the link in case you’d like to try the thirty day challenge yourself: http://thedailylove.com/one-of-the-greatest-spiritual-tools-i-know-of/

Further Update: The weekend has come and gone, and the guy I went on a date with a week and a half ago, still hasn’t called or texted (mind you he did text me the day after the date, so I thought it went well. And then nothing). I seriously don’t get it, and am truly wondering what went wrong in his mind. If only for my own piece of mind, I will attempt to unmask his own truths behind his actions. I am going to wait until Thursday (as he’s leaving for Chicago the day after), and if he still hasn’t called then I am going to call him, and try to get it out of him. So, stay tuned eeekkkk! 🙂 

Standard